| Thesis Statement | I believe that living in dormitory giving more advantages rather than disadvantages. |
| Argument 1 | Dormitory is great place to meet new people |
| Argument 2 | living in the dormitory will provide a safe environment |
| Argument 3 | Dormitory has plenty of facilities to make sure the comfort of residents |
| Counter-Argument | The dormitory rent fee is expensive |
| Conclusion | Dormitory is a great place to live for the students |
University education is the most important milestone of an individual’s professional and personal growth. The time spent during university leaves a deep impact on most of the students.The living environment plays a key role for an individual student for the duration of their education. Managing our time to study, making friends with others, and choosing a temporary place to live are the matters that often happen to college students. Choosing a place to live in may be so difficult when the options are so many. To overcome that problem, many universities offer a dormitory for students. I believe that living in dormitory giving more advantages rather than disadvantages.
First, dormitory is a great place to meet new people. It’s easier to make friends when everyone lives in dormitory. Everyone will be nervous, excited and ready to mingle at the start of the year, so by living in a student dorm, you can take advantage of the friendly atmosphere and make some close bonds. Some dorms even comprise of mostly international students, so that’s an added bonus if you want to make friends from all over the world. It’s also a nice and comforting feeling too knowing everyone around you is a college student.
Second, living in the dormitory will provide a safe environment. Usually, a dormitory is located near campus. The distance between dormitory and the campus is only 5-10 minutes away by feet. So, we don’t have to worry about the transportation to go to the campus because we can reach campus by walking. Additionally, dormitory area is secured 24 hours a day by trained security officers, added with a surveillance camera.
Third, Dormitory has plenty of facilities to make sure the comfort of residents. The dormitory provides sport facilities, public facilities and any personal facilities. Sport facilities that are available in the dormitory such as volleyball court, basketball court, outdoor badminton court, and table tennis. For studying activities, usually there is bucks that used to gather or do discussion. Additionally, in every room, there is a Wi-Fi connection for the needs of its resident of internet, either it is for helping them for the assignments or for their entertainment.
From the other side, the dormitory rent fee is expensive, but the benefits that you experience will be worth. The expense is including all cost for maintenance and paying the human resources that provided by the management or administration. So, it means the services that students receive quite worth the cost.
In conclusion, dormitory is a great place to live for the students. The good environment and services are the main reasons why living in dormitory is a good choice. Just like Juan somavia said “ you are the key to your safety”. So, I believe that living in dormitory giving more advantages rather than disadvantages to students.
MUHAMMAD FARHAN 
Hallo farhan !
What a great post u have here!
First I really like your ideas, second you also supported by couple of supporting sentences.
But if i may propose, you may add some more facts or journal which can strengthen your whole argument.
U did great tho
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Hi farhan,
(Content) This post are clearly and detailed. It’s such an interesting post. I can easily understand what you are gonna tell. But i just want to give an suggestion. I think the second argument isn’t unity. Because not all of the supporting sentence relate to the topic sentence. Like you said that ” dormitory will provide a safe environment”. But in the supporting sentences to talk about the transportation and distance of dormitory. The last sentence only, talk about the safe environment. May be you can explain more why dormitory is a safe environment.
(Organization) i think this post already included introductory, body, and concluding paragraph with clear thesis statement and good organization.
(Grammar) sentence structure already comolex and compound sentences.
(Word choice) you already demonstrates the correct use of vocabulary.
(Mechanics) may be you can change the comma in “start of the year, so” could be “start of the year(.) So,” to make your sentence clearly and the simpler one.
Overall, i got all of your point here.
Keep it up ☺😊
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Hi Farhan!
You have a really great post. For the contents, it is interesting to read and the flow is very clear so it’s easy to read and very entertaining. But, maybe for (organization) you could add more supporting sentence like facts, personal experience, or even statistics if there any.
And for the (grammar/structure), maybe you can capitalize the Somavia since it is a name. And you should use “are” in front of bucks because bucks are the plural form of the buck. But, I think overall your post is really great and I can’t wait to see your next post!
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Hi Farhan ! Such a nice post you have here. Talking what I love most from your post, the simple word selection is that I love.
(Content&Organization) The content is simple and makes me feel fully understand when reading your post. Why I want to suggest are
– There are no concluding sentences for each paragraph. I think you need to have it, to conclude all points that you have mentioned to support your argument
– I thought your counter and conclusion paragraphs are too short, you need to have at least 4 sentences as a good paragraph. Try to close the argument essay by repeating again your arguments about dormitory, then close it by persuading readers to believe in your arguments.
(Grammar) “It’s also a nice and comforting feeling too knowing everyone around you is a college student.” You need to change it into “It’s also a nice and comfortable feeling to know everyone around you are college students.” since it sounds better.
“For studying activities, usually there is bucks that used to gather or do discussion. ” I think you need to change it becomes “For studying activities, there is some bucks that usually can be used for gathering or doing discussion.”
(Word Choice) Everything seems fine here, since you already provide simple word selection for every paragraphs.
(Mechanics) I found no problem here. So smooth so far 😀
I think I have enough for giving comments and suggestions.Hope your post will be keep improving and improving. See ya !
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Hi Farhan !
Content – I’ve read your post, you’ve already stated clearly and easy to understand, you also using facts and your experience to support your ideas but you can add more facts to make your ideas stronger.
Organization – you already put introductory, body, and concluding with clear thesis statement. but, you need to put concluding sentences for each paragraph. For the concluding and counter paragraph, you can explore more.
Grammar/Structure – for the grammar and structure, I don’t find any other mistakes beside the mistakes that already mentioned by others on comments above.
Word Choice – the word that you use seems well and I don’t find any wrong words.
Mechanics – you’ve already done the capitalization well, just a little correction on “excited and ready to mingle”, you can add comma before “and” word
Overall I like your post, worth to read, keep improving 😀
See ya !
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Good day Farhan! Such a good post!
I really drowned inside of your story!
although it is really wonderful, but perfect is belong to nobody. If you could use more various words, it would be better!
Overall, that was great!🙂
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Hi farhan !
NIce post you have! I like the way you write your thought. you wrote it in simple way amd easy to understand.
(Content/ Ideas/Organization) You use an excellent support from the experiences and facts that happened. Your style to write the essay also simple and easy to understand. You also have stated the conclusion in every paragraph clearly.
(Grammar/structure) It’s same like Yustina and Jefri said , and I still not found any other mistakes.
(Word Choice) Actually you already use the simple words, but I just want give some suggestions , such as ;
1. To overcome => To solve (Para 1)
2.The expense is=> The expenses are (para of counter argument)
(Mechanics) You already use comma and full stop in the good way, just several correction , such as;
1. Just like Juan somavia said “ you are the key to your safety”
=> Just like Juan somavia said(,) “ you are the key to your safety”(.)
2. Everyone will be nervous, excited and ready to mingle at the start of the year, so by living in a student dorm, you can take advantage of the friendly atmosphere and make some close bonds.
=> may be you can use fullstop rather than comma in this sentence to not make a run-on sentences.
=> Everyone will be nervous, excited and ready to mingle at the start of the year(.)So(,) by living in a student dorm, you can take advantage of the friendly atmosphere and make some close bonds.
3. you should take concern in the capitalization like what Yustina said before.
that’s all from me
Good Job pals !
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SHOULD WE LIVE IN DORMITORY? (REVISED PARAGRAPH)
University education is the most important milestone of an individual’s professional and personal growth. The time spent during university leaves a deep impact on most of the students.The living environment plays a key role for an individual student for the duration of their education. Managing our time to study, making friends with others, and choosing a temporary place to live are the matters that often happen to college students. Choosing a place to live in may be so difficult when the options are so many. To overcome that problem, many universities offer a dormitory for students. I believe that living in dormitory giving more advantages rather than disadvantages.
First, dormitory is a great place to meet new people. It’s easier to make friends when everyone lives in dormitory. Everyone will be nervous, excited and ready to mingle at the start of the year. So, by living in a student dorm, you can take advantage of the friendly atmosphere and make some close bonds. Some dorms even comprise of mostly international students, so that’s an added bonus if you want to make friends from all over the world. It’s also a nice and comfortable feeling too knowing everyone around you is a college student.
Second, living in the dormitory will provide a safe environment. Usually, a dormitory is located near campus. The distance between dormitory and the campus is only 5-10 minutes away by feet. So, we don’t have to worry about the transportation to go to the campus because we can reach campus by walking. Additionally, dormitory area is secured 24 hours a day by trained security officers, added with a surveillance camera.
Third, Dormitory has plenty of facilities to make sure the comfort of residents. The dormitory provides sport facilities, public facilities and any personal facilities. Sport facilities that are available in the dormitory such as volleyball court, basketball court, outdoor badminton court, and table tennis. For studying activities, usually there are some bucks that used to gather or do discussion. Additionally, in every room, there is a Wi-Fi connection for the needs of its resident of internet, either it is for helping them for the assignments or for their entertainment.
From the other side, the dormitory rent fee is expensive, but the benefits that you experience will be worth. The expense are including all cost for maintenance and paying the human resources that provided by the management or administration. We can do complaining for 24 hours if there is any wrongdoing or damage. So, it means the services that students receive quite worth the cost.
In conclusion, dormitory is a great place to live for the students. The good environment and services are the main reasons why living in dormitory is a good choice. Just like Juan Somavia said “ you are the key to your safety”. So, I believe that living in dormitory giving more advantages rather than disadvantages to students.
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